Number
5:
BATMAN (1989)
This movie might be amazing to me because it is the
first superhero movie that i remember watching, or maybe it's amazing to
me because it is fucking awesome. What makes it awesome? Many things,
first off Michael Keaton (the Multiplicity guy? fuck yes the
Multiplicity guy, and how about Dream Team, and mother fucking
Beetlejuice!!!!!!!!!!!) Keaton is an amazing BATMAN....ok a balding,
almost 40, Bruce Wayne may not compare to Christian Bale or Val Kilmer,
BUT I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BRUCE WAYNE!!!! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BAT!!!
Now aside from an amazing performance by Michael Keaton, or Mikeaton as i
call him in social settings. Let's take a look at The Joker himself,
Jack "the sack" Nicholson!!! Some say "Heath Ledger stole the show when
he did Joker" well, he did a good job, but the BATMAN Joker and the Dark
Knight Joker, are two completely different characters and no one could
have done that cartoony, crazy, silly, maniacle, twisted, crazy fuck
like Nicholson. This is my favorite Tim Burton movie, before he got
addicted to clay-mation and Johnny Depp's penis. Also Kim Basinger was
the tits as Vicki Vale. And who can't forget Billy D as Harvey Dent?
Number
4:
The Phantom (1996) The Phantom is a great movie because it is full
of that campy awesomeness that has all but disapeared from movies based
on comics. Billy Zane is a great Phantom and an amazing Kit Walker. Now
we got an awesome Protagonist and a great story line, what more do we
need to have an awesome superhero movie? A sexy love interest and a
great villain that you love to hate. Love interest......KRISTY FUCKING
SWANSON, Buffy the Vampire Slayer herself BOOOOM!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! Now
we need a bad guy, Holy shit let's have the sly as fuck Treat Williams
be Xander Drax and have him steal up the skulls of Touganda and
encompass him with a big group of badasses for Billy Zane to fight. And
let's not forget Catherine Zeta Jones as Sala the sexy bad girl who
works for Drax....Also Ajax from Warriors, James Remar is in it playing a
bad guy named Quill, One scene he pushes one of his goons out of a
moving vehicle just to get a better shot at the unkillable Phantom!!!
Number
3:
Superman II (1980) Christopher Reeve is an amazing Superman,the
best, BUT I DON'T LIKE SUPERMAN, HE'S A BITCH!!! AND CLARK KENT IS A
BITCH TOO!!! AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. OH WAIT, NVM,
CLARK KENT WEARS GLASSES. But the story line of this movie is great and
the Villains are Superb, putting this at the middle of my list.
Superman chooses his love of Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) over his ability
to help the human race from the likes of Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman). So
he gives up his powers, BUT OH FUCK, HE ACCIDENTALLY RELEASES 3 SCARY
KRYPTONIAN MOTHER FUCKERS FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE, WITH THAT NUCLEAR BOMB
HE THREW INTO SPACE IN THE FIRST ONE, WHO COME TO EFF SOME ESS UP ON
EARTH!!!!! Lex Luthor finds out about this and joins forces with them.
Now shit will hit the damn fan. Gene Hackman is evil as shit in this
movie. And the Kryptonians, Lead by General Zod (Terrance Stamp, who i
always confuse with Malcolm McDowell) are the perfect team of Villains,
The fearless leader who will stop at nothing to rule, the tough brut
Non, and the sexy femme fatale Ursa. SO THIS MOVIE IS GREAT BECAUSE OF
THE VILLAINS. i honestly could do without Superman, and that one scene
where he rips the S off his chest and throws it at Non. i don't even
know what the fuck that was about:
Number 2:
The Toxic Avenger
(1984) Troma broke the mold with this bubbley green skinned, mop carrying, eye popping, tutu wearing, death machine. Great story, a lame
nerd gets teased by assholes until he runs away, only to fall out of a
window into a vat of toxic waste. Then Melvin the Mop Boy tuns into a
hideously disfigured superhero.....FUCK YES I'M WATCHING THIS. Now some
people may look down on my mother for allowing me to watch this time and
time again from the time i was like 5, BUT FUCK YOU!!!! MILDRED WALKER
IS A FUCKING ANGEL AND AN AMAZING MOTHER!!!!!!. This movie is a great
super hero movie for several reasons: 1, Toxie is relentless, none of
that tying people up shit, if you are evil you will get your guts ripped
out, or your head smashed by weights, it doesn't matter how you get
killed but you will end up with a mop in your fucking face. 2, The
villains are horrible, selling drugs, stealing, bullying kids until they
jump out of windows into vats of toxic waste, beating old women to
death, killing dogs, assraping blind chicks, and even driving around
smashing kids heads with the back tire of your car. and 3, TITTAYS!!!!!
THIS MOVIE IS FULL OF BOOBS, EIGHTIES BOOBS WITH TAN LINES!!!!!!.
Number
1:
Xmen Origins: Wolverine (2009) Now people who read this and know
me, will know that the main reason Wolverine is number 1 is because i
fucking love Wolverine. They may say "oh that Street Walker, he thinks
Wolverine is the best superhero of all time, he thinks Xmen are amazing,
he loves Wolverine" WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS, THEY WOULD BE
CORRECT" Let me start by pointing out this movie's main flaw: Victor
Creed (Sabretooth) is NOT NOT NOT Wolverine's Brother. With that being
said Liev Schrieber is outstanding as Sabretooth. The perfect amount of
crazy, hatred, jealousy, and badassary. Now Hugh Jackman is the perfect
Wolverine, sure he is kind of skinny for Wolverine but good god he's
awesome. Ryan Reynolds was good as Deadpool, before they were retards
and took his mouth away. Lynn Collins was a horrible Silverfox, but
maybe that's because they got the character completely wrong. But with
the things they fucked up, they did one more thing that was awesome and
that i've been waiting for since the first Xmen movie, they put Gambit
on screen. And the guy who played him, Taylor Kitsch, Did a pretty good
job. Sure he should have taken some voice lessons first but aside from
that his attitude was perfect.
Thanks For Reading,
Streeter Walker
