A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do - Written By Streeter (Street) Walker

"I really want to watch something funny, that is also a musical, and a great story about super heroes and villains.....what should I do Streeter?"

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED THAT BRO-DIMAGGIO...GET YOUR ASS UP AND CHECK OUT DR. HORRIBLE'S SING ALONG BLOG. THE BEST FUCKING SUPER VILLAIN MUSICAL EVER MADE!!!!!!

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is the greatest. You know i love villains...and in this story the protagonist is a villain. THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!! Dr. Horrible, a mad scientist, is hell bent on destroying the status quo and becoming a member of the Evil League of Evil (lead by "the Thoroughbred of Sin" Bad Horse" and not have his plans thwarted by his Archnemesis CAPTAIN HAMMER!!! He also spreads the word of his evil and achievements on the internet with his blog. Now the great doctor is a hopeless romantic. Too shy to express his crush on Penny ,the beautiful woman he sees every time he goes to the local laundromat.....She doesn't know he is Dr. Horrible, She only knows his alter ego "Billy". And things get worse when Penny and Captain Hammer become an item.

The characters are amazing and played amazingly.

Neil Patrick Harris is the perfect person to play Dr. Horrible. NPH is an amazing actor, and seems like he'd be a cool guy. It's awesome that a character who wants to destroy the way the world is and tear down the system is such a loveable character. He keeps messing up when he tries to do evil, but maybe his FreezeRay will be the invention that finally works out perfectlyand gets him in the ELE. IT'S A FREEZERAY, IT STOPS TIME!!!!!!NOT AN ICEBEAM...THAT'S ALL JOHNNY SNOW!!!!!!!!! AND JOHNNY SNOW IS A WANNABE BITCH!

CAPTAIN HAMMER IS A DICKHOLE!!!!!!

Nathan Fillion is a great Captain Hammer....SHIT HE COULD PLAY ANY STANDARD SUPER HERO....he looks the part and acts it out very well. And the same way that you fall in love with the villain, you will hate the hero.

Felicia Day plays Penny. The love interest of Dr. Horrible. You quickly realize why he is in love with her. She is beautiful, and sweet, and level headed. She becomes smitten with Captain Hammer after he saves her life...but there seems to be some kind of spark in her heart when she is near Billy.

Simon Helberg plays Dr. Horrible's friend, and member of "The Henchmen's Union". He is MOIST...a horrible villain who has the power to make people wet, because he sweats profusely. MAKING PEOPLE NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER CAN REALLY SLOW DOWN THE PROGRESS OF THEIR DAY!!!!! Some would see him as a minor character, but i think he is really important. He is always encouraging Dr. Horrible and giving him advice. "Smother an old lady".

Even the songs sung by the cowboys who sing letters from Bad Horse are great!

Though the characters and the acting are amazing, that isn't want makes the story of Dr. Horrible great. "what does Streeter? the costumes or the lighting?" NO MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK!!!!!!!!!! The best thing about Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, is the music. I have seen this so many times, and trust me i do sing along. The songs are not only beautifully written, and have great scores, They tell the story so well and are filled with emotion. Some musicals have one or two songs that either suck or could be done without...NOT THIS ONE SUCKER BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S ON NETFLIX!!!

This musical will make you feel so much. Care, Jealousy, Anger, Love, and a since of Satisfaction with a hint of Heartache.

Now most of the time i write blogs, and don't give a shit if you've seen the movies or not. But i hope there were no spoilers in here. Watch it though....DR. HORRIBLE'S SING ALONG BLOG!!!

Also, there are rumors of a sequel...i hope there is so much. Not sure though, cause one website says there is, another says there isn't. So i have no idea......DR. HORRIBLE 2 WOULD BE AWESOME THOUGH.

Thanks for reading,
Streeter Walker

Thermal Vision And Invisibility - Written By Streeter (Street) Walker

In 1985 a little joke was told. This joke was that Rocky Balboa (Silvester Stallone) had beaten so many earthly opponents that he would have to fight an alien in Rocky 5. Jim and John Thomas thought this was a great concept for a movie...but who better than Rocky Balboa? How about Conan the Barbarian himself ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER? BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manliest High-Five Ever

Now originally it was just going to be Arnold or his movie name DUTCH fighting in a jungle against an alien...Schwarzenegger didn't like this idea. So they added a team of commandos to fight along his side.

AND HOW ABOUT THE BEST TEAM OF COMMANDOS YOU COULD ASK FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCHWARZENEGGER (DUTCH): Typical Action Hero, Smart when it comes to surviving, great with any weapons, and not afraid to let loose with the wize cracks (STICK AROUND)

CARL WEATHERS (DILLON): A BADASS, but he's lost his knack for the commando lifestyle. Now he's completely controlled by his office job. A puppet of "The Man" he will put his whole team in jeopardy just to do what he's told. "You're an asset. An expendable asset. And I used you to get the job done, got it?"

Bill Duke (Mac): Crazy eyes, and a quiet demeanor....sometimes. Willing to take you out if it means you will get him and his men killed "You're ghostin' us, motherfucker. I don't care who you are back in the world, you give away our position one more time, I'll bleed ya, real quiet. Leave ya here. Got that?"

Jesse "The Body" Ventura (Blain): IT'S JESSE THE FUCKING BODY VENTURA WITH A GOD DAMN GATLIN GUN!!!!!!!!!!!! "I AINT GOT TIME TO BLEED"

Sonny Landham (Billy): Awesome Indian tracker. He knows of the Predator's presence before anyone else. He senses him with his unique tracking abilities. Maybe that's whats got Billy so spooked. "There's something out there waiting for us, and it ain't no man. We're all gonna die."

and last but not least Richard Chaves (Poncho): Very useful to the group. Shit they are in South America and he seems to be the only one who knows a lick of Spanish. Kind of a smart ass, and like the others doesn't appreciate Dillon's lying ass being there. "Maybe you better put her on a leash, Agent-man."

FACE IT, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE FIGHTING AGAINST ANY OF THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!

Now we need a lady, cause every movie has atleast one. Except for maybe 28 Dicks Later. That's a reimagining of the famous outbreak flick...but the outbreak is butt stuff. So we get Elpidia Carrillo, She's perfect for this movie. She is pretty, and a damsel in distress. But she isn't so hot that she distracts you from the Badassary that is PREDATOR.

Enough about the good guys. YOU GUYS KNOW I FUCKING LOVE A VILLAIN. PREDATOR IS ONE OF THE BEST VILLAINS EVER. He doesn't kill for vengeance, or anger, or money, and he's not like the joker, wanting to see the world burn....HE DOES IT FOR SPORT. BECAUSE IT'S FUN!!!

And let's look at that fucking tech he has. Sure they have big knives, gatling guns, shotguns, rifles, and machine guns.....HOW ABOUT A FUCKING PLASMA CANNON WITH SIGHTS THAT LOCK ON. wanna get close and personal? BLADES SHARPER THAN THE DEVILS DICK LOCATED ON HIS WRIST SKINNING MOTHERFUCKERS AND HANGING THEM FROM TREES AND SHIT. and it's hard to shoot what you can't see. MOTHER FUCKER HAS A CLOAKING DEVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and while you can't see him, be sure as shit he can see you. THERMAL VISION BITCH!!!!!!



Now enough of the cast, and this will be over soon i promise. The movie starts out, with a group of badasses set up by a government that doesn't give a shit about them. honestly, if it were just a movie about special ops soldiers sent to get some pow's and finding out they were sent to get some info to cover up some bullshit, it would be a good movie. BUT THEN IT TURNS INTO A FACEFUCK OF ACTION AND CRAZINESS AS EACH ONE OF THEM IS SLOWLY PICKED OFF ONE AT A TIME BY THIS UNSTOPPABLE CREATURE.........................HOLY FUCK I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!

Now is the showdown. We know it's coming. and it's finally here. Commando vs Alien. My favorite thing about this movie is that Dutch turns Predator's strengths against him. Realizing that the creature sees with thermal vision he cleverly covers himself in mud. Setting up traps to surprise the one who has been sneaking this whole time. There is a metamorphisis from Prey to Predator, and Predator to Prey. In a way, the Title is just as much about the alien as it is about Schwarzenegger. Near the end, under the moonlight, Dutch even looks similar to the Predator. It's the transition that i think makes the movie so compelling. He doesn't win with a lucky shot, he doesn't win with brut strength, he wins because he is the better hunter. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

The last thing i love about PREDATOR, is that it shows how much of a pussy Jean Claude Van Damme is. "He's not in that movie Streeter!!!" I KNOW ASS CLOWN!!!!!!! GIVE ME ONE MORE MINUTE TO MAKE MY POINT!!!.

Pussy.

So originally the Predator was supposed to be played by Van Damme (OVERRATED ASSHOLE IF YOU ASK ME......KICKBOXER AND BLOODSPORT WERE THE SHIT THOUGH) It was a great comparison. Skill and Agility VS. Brute Strength. which i think would have been awesome. But i like the the predator was a BRICK FUCKING SHIT HOUSE. Anyway, Van Damme complained constantly that he didn't get any screen time "Nobody will see my face BOO HOO" and face it, compared to the likes of Ventura, Weathers, and Schwarzenegger...Van Damme's body type isn't really scary. Also Jone Claudia Van Dick complained that the "suit is too hot" and he kept passing out. I'M SORRY BUT IF THAT LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER CAN'T TAKE IT, THAN HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE 3 TIMES HIS SIZE HANDLE IT? Cause Jean Claude Van Damme is a Pussy and Kevin Peter Hall isn't. MOTHER FUCKER WAS HARRY, FROM HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. AND THAT MOVIE IS THE BEES KNEES



Thank you for reading.
Streeter Walker

Kurt Russell: Man, Myth, Legend. - Written By Streeter (Street) Walker

Is Kurt Russell a good actor? is he a great actor? If you ask me KURT RUSSELL IS THE GREATEST AMERICAN ACTOR OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! "But why Streeter?" WELL SIT YOUR ASS RIGHT DOWN AND POP YOUR LOOKIN' BALLS TOWARDS THE SCREEN AND I WILL TELL YOU.....oh i will feed ya baby bird.

Kurt Russell has starred and acted in some Awesome movies. Big Trouble In Little China (GO FUCK YOURSELF IF YOU DISAGREE)Back Draft, The Thing, Death Proof,Escape From New York, Escape From L.A., The Fox and the Motherfucking Hound, Stargate, Tombstone,3000 Miles to Graceland,Dark Blue,Miracle, and the best buddy action movie ever made TANGO AND CASH!!! Stuntman Mike, Copper (the hound), Herb Brooks,Eldon Perry, Bull McCaffrey ,Snake Plissken, Jack Burton, Col. Oneal, Gabriel Cash, Wyatt Erp, RJ McGready.....ALL AWESOME CHARACTERS PLAYED BY AN AWESOME MAN.

Now is Kurt Russell awesome because of these movies? or are these movies awesome because of Kurt Russell....the world may never know. What we do know is that Jack Burton is probably the most badass character in any movie ever made, as shown in the poll that i just made up where 70% of movie watchers voted for him. Up next was Snake Plissken ALSO PLAYED BY KURT RUSSELL!!!!! NUMBERS, THEY DON'T LIE.

"But anyone could have played Jack Burton" BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!

The only person who could pull that, and the rest of his characters off, is Kurt (whole lotta awesome) Russell.

If that list of awesomeness doesn't convince you, how about a list of movies he did that weren't so good. Captain Ron (Wait that movie is fun and enjoyable, and Kurt Russell is awesome in it) Overboard ( nvm, that movie is hysterical and is sweet as shit) Poseidon (sure it's a remake, BUT IT'S PRETTY DAMN AWESOME) So shit, you can't name a BAD Kurt Russell Movie. You can just name some of his movies that aren't as good as other movies of his.

Let's take a look at the Man. Kurt Russell is the epitome of endurance. Motherfucker got his first acting gig at the age of 10 in a little movie called "It Happened at the World's Fair". "But who did he play Street? Kid who drops ice cream cone, Bully, Child riding bike?" NO YOU NEGATIVE FUCK, HE PLAYED THE KING HIMSELF ELVIS PRESLEY!!!!!! Now after this he kept acting through the sixties, working for a little company called DISNEY. Then he takes a step back from acting, to play the most American sport out there......BASEBALL!!!!!

1979 Rolls around, a 29 year old Kurt jumps on screen for a tv movie. A movie directed by the one and only John Carpenter!!!(you know the guy who made Halloween, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live, Vampires, AND ABOUT A THOUSAND OTHER MOVIES THAT ARE SO GOOD YOUR EYES WOULD BUY YOU A STEAK DINNER IF THEY COULD AFTER WATCHING ONE." So Kurt stars in this movie, and who does he play? THE KING again, in the movie ELVIS: THE MOVIE.

Then he does Used Cars, Escape from New York, The Thing...(YOU KNOW AWESOME FLICKS) Then in 1984, gets with the super sexy , Sock it to me girl, herself GOLDIE HAWN and they are still together. That's 28 years of being with the same person, not many people can do that. Then that awesome motherfucker starred in some more awesome movies, and he wrote Escape from L.A....remember Snake Plisken...you should i mentioned him like 5 minutes ago. A character that is not only immortal in cinema but also in the video game universe, METAL GEAR SOLID LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

So my point is, Kurt Russell is an amazing actor, he is a caring person, he has been going strong acting for 53 years, and he is a badass....but more importantly i look up to him for sticking with something he loves for so long, and not giving up. GOD DAMN KURT RUSSELL IS THE SHIT!!!!!!

Thank you for reading,
Streeter Walker

Streeter Walker's Five Favorite Superhero Movies!

Number 5: BATMAN (1989)

This movie might be amazing to me because it is the first superhero movie that i remember watching, or maybe it's amazing to me because it is fucking awesome. What makes it awesome? Many things, first off Michael Keaton (the Multiplicity guy? fuck yes the Multiplicity guy, and how about Dream Team, and mother fucking Beetlejuice!!!!!!!!!!!) Keaton is an amazing BATMAN....ok a balding, almost 40, Bruce Wayne may not compare to Christian Bale or Val Kilmer, BUT I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BRUCE WAYNE!!!! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BAT!!! Now aside from an amazing performance by Michael Keaton, or Mikeaton as i call him in social settings. Let's take a look at The Joker himself, Jack "the sack" Nicholson!!! Some say "Heath Ledger stole the show when he did Joker" well, he did a good job, but the BATMAN Joker and the Dark Knight Joker, are two completely different characters and no one could have done that cartoony, crazy, silly, maniacle, twisted, crazy fuck like Nicholson. This is my favorite Tim Burton movie, before he got addicted to clay-mation and Johnny Depp's penis. Also Kim Basinger was the tits as Vicki Vale. And who can't forget Billy D as Harvey Dent?


Number 4: The Phantom (1996) The Phantom is a great movie because it is full of that campy awesomeness that has all but disapeared from movies based on comics. Billy Zane is a great Phantom and an amazing Kit Walker. Now we got an awesome Protagonist and a great story line, what more do we need to have an awesome superhero movie? A sexy love interest and a great villain that you love to hate. Love interest......KRISTY FUCKING SWANSON, Buffy the Vampire Slayer herself BOOOOM!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! Now we need a bad guy, Holy shit let's have the sly as fuck Treat Williams be Xander Drax and have him steal up the skulls of Touganda and encompass him with a big group of badasses for Billy Zane to fight. And let's not forget Catherine Zeta Jones as Sala the sexy bad girl who works for Drax....Also Ajax from Warriors, James Remar is in it playing a bad guy named Quill, One scene he pushes one of his goons out of a moving vehicle just to get a better shot at the unkillable Phantom!!!

Number 3: Superman II (1980) Christopher Reeve is an amazing Superman,the best, BUT I DON'T LIKE SUPERMAN, HE'S A BITCH!!! AND CLARK KENT IS A BITCH TOO!!! AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. OH WAIT, NVM, CLARK KENT WEARS GLASSES. But the story line of this movie is great and the Villains are Superb, putting this at the middle of my list. Superman chooses his love of Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) over his ability to help the human race from the likes of Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman). So he gives up his powers, BUT OH FUCK, HE ACCIDENTALLY RELEASES 3 SCARY KRYPTONIAN MOTHER FUCKERS FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE, WITH THAT NUCLEAR BOMB HE THREW INTO SPACE IN THE FIRST ONE, WHO COME TO EFF SOME ESS UP ON EARTH!!!!! Lex Luthor finds out about this and joins forces with them. Now shit will hit the damn fan. Gene Hackman is evil as shit in this movie. And the Kryptonians, Lead by General Zod (Terrance Stamp, who i always confuse with Malcolm McDowell) are the perfect team of Villains, The fearless leader who will stop at nothing to rule, the tough brut Non, and the sexy femme fatale Ursa. SO THIS MOVIE IS GREAT BECAUSE OF THE VILLAINS. i honestly could do without Superman, and that one scene where he rips the S off his chest and throws it at Non. i don't even know what the fuck that was about:

Number 2: The Toxic Avenger (1984) Troma broke the mold with this bubbley green skinned, mop carrying, eye popping, tutu wearing, death machine. Great story, a lame nerd gets teased by assholes until he runs away, only to fall out of a window into a vat of toxic waste. Then Melvin the Mop Boy tuns into a hideously disfigured superhero.....FUCK YES I'M WATCHING THIS. Now some people may look down on my mother for allowing me to watch this time and time again from the time i was like 5, BUT FUCK YOU!!!! MILDRED WALKER IS A FUCKING ANGEL AND AN AMAZING MOTHER!!!!!!. This movie is a great super hero movie for several reasons: 1, Toxie is relentless, none of that tying people up shit, if you are evil you will get your guts ripped out, or your head smashed by weights, it doesn't matter how you get killed but you will end up with a mop in your fucking face. 2, The villains are horrible, selling drugs, stealing, bullying kids until they jump out of windows into vats of toxic waste, beating old women to death, killing dogs, assraping blind chicks, and even driving around smashing kids heads with the back tire of your car. and 3, TITTAYS!!!!! THIS MOVIE IS FULL OF BOOBS, EIGHTIES BOOBS WITH TAN LINES!!!!!!.

Number 1: Xmen Origins: Wolverine (2009) Now people who read this and know me, will know that the main reason Wolverine is number 1 is because i fucking love Wolverine. They may say "oh that Street Walker, he thinks Wolverine is the best superhero of all time, he thinks Xmen are amazing, he loves Wolverine" WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS, THEY WOULD BE CORRECT" Let me start by pointing out this movie's main flaw: Victor Creed (Sabretooth) is NOT NOT NOT Wolverine's Brother. With that being said Liev Schrieber is outstanding as Sabretooth. The perfect amount of crazy, hatred, jealousy, and badassary. Now Hugh Jackman is the perfect Wolverine, sure he is kind of skinny for Wolverine but good god he's awesome. Ryan Reynolds was good as Deadpool, before they were retards and took his mouth away. Lynn Collins was a horrible Silverfox, but maybe that's because they got the character completely wrong. But with the things they fucked up, they did one more thing that was awesome and that i've been waiting for since the first Xmen movie, they put Gambit on screen. And the guy who played him, Taylor Kitsch, Did a pretty good job. Sure he should have taken some voice lessons first but aside from that his attitude was perfect.

Thanks For Reading,
Streeter Walker

INTRODUCTION

Hello and welcome to CineThreatOnline! A place where a crackpot team of Film Fanatics and Filmmakers have come together to discuss all things cinema! Things are just starting up now, so please be patient with me. Hopefully this will become a website you visit regularly, and I hope some of the essays, interviews, and discussions posted on this page will be both interesting and worth your while.

The CineThreatOnline Team:
Zach Frances
Streeter Walker
Alan Squier

-CineThreatOnline