Streeter Walker's Five Favorite Superhero Movies!

Number 5: BATMAN (1989)

This movie might be amazing to me because it is the first superhero movie that i remember watching, or maybe it's amazing to me because it is fucking awesome. What makes it awesome? Many things, first off Michael Keaton (the Multiplicity guy? fuck yes the Multiplicity guy, and how about Dream Team, and mother fucking Beetlejuice!!!!!!!!!!!) Keaton is an amazing BATMAN....ok a balding, almost 40, Bruce Wayne may not compare to Christian Bale or Val Kilmer, BUT I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BRUCE WAYNE!!!! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BAT!!! Now aside from an amazing performance by Michael Keaton, or Mikeaton as i call him in social settings. Let's take a look at The Joker himself, Jack "the sack" Nicholson!!! Some say "Heath Ledger stole the show when he did Joker" well, he did a good job, but the BATMAN Joker and the Dark Knight Joker, are two completely different characters and no one could have done that cartoony, crazy, silly, maniacle, twisted, crazy fuck like Nicholson. This is my favorite Tim Burton movie, before he got addicted to clay-mation and Johnny Depp's penis. Also Kim Basinger was the tits as Vicki Vale. And who can't forget Billy D as Harvey Dent?


Number 4: The Phantom (1996) The Phantom is a great movie because it is full of that campy awesomeness that has all but disapeared from movies based on comics. Billy Zane is a great Phantom and an amazing Kit Walker. Now we got an awesome Protagonist and a great story line, what more do we need to have an awesome superhero movie? A sexy love interest and a great villain that you love to hate. Love interest......KRISTY FUCKING SWANSON, Buffy the Vampire Slayer herself BOOOOM!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! Now we need a bad guy, Holy shit let's have the sly as fuck Treat Williams be Xander Drax and have him steal up the skulls of Touganda and encompass him with a big group of badasses for Billy Zane to fight. And let's not forget Catherine Zeta Jones as Sala the sexy bad girl who works for Drax....Also Ajax from Warriors, James Remar is in it playing a bad guy named Quill, One scene he pushes one of his goons out of a moving vehicle just to get a better shot at the unkillable Phantom!!!

Number 3: Superman II (1980) Christopher Reeve is an amazing Superman,the best, BUT I DON'T LIKE SUPERMAN, HE'S A BITCH!!! AND CLARK KENT IS A BITCH TOO!!! AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. OH WAIT, NVM, CLARK KENT WEARS GLASSES. But the story line of this movie is great and the Villains are Superb, putting this at the middle of my list. Superman chooses his love of Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) over his ability to help the human race from the likes of Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman). So he gives up his powers, BUT OH FUCK, HE ACCIDENTALLY RELEASES 3 SCARY KRYPTONIAN MOTHER FUCKERS FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE, WITH THAT NUCLEAR BOMB HE THREW INTO SPACE IN THE FIRST ONE, WHO COME TO EFF SOME ESS UP ON EARTH!!!!! Lex Luthor finds out about this and joins forces with them. Now shit will hit the damn fan. Gene Hackman is evil as shit in this movie. And the Kryptonians, Lead by General Zod (Terrance Stamp, who i always confuse with Malcolm McDowell) are the perfect team of Villains, The fearless leader who will stop at nothing to rule, the tough brut Non, and the sexy femme fatale Ursa. SO THIS MOVIE IS GREAT BECAUSE OF THE VILLAINS. i honestly could do without Superman, and that one scene where he rips the S off his chest and throws it at Non. i don't even know what the fuck that was about:

Number 2: The Toxic Avenger (1984) Troma broke the mold with this bubbley green skinned, mop carrying, eye popping, tutu wearing, death machine. Great story, a lame nerd gets teased by assholes until he runs away, only to fall out of a window into a vat of toxic waste. Then Melvin the Mop Boy tuns into a hideously disfigured superhero.....FUCK YES I'M WATCHING THIS. Now some people may look down on my mother for allowing me to watch this time and time again from the time i was like 5, BUT FUCK YOU!!!! MILDRED WALKER IS A FUCKING ANGEL AND AN AMAZING MOTHER!!!!!!. This movie is a great super hero movie for several reasons: 1, Toxie is relentless, none of that tying people up shit, if you are evil you will get your guts ripped out, or your head smashed by weights, it doesn't matter how you get killed but you will end up with a mop in your fucking face. 2, The villains are horrible, selling drugs, stealing, bullying kids until they jump out of windows into vats of toxic waste, beating old women to death, killing dogs, assraping blind chicks, and even driving around smashing kids heads with the back tire of your car. and 3, TITTAYS!!!!! THIS MOVIE IS FULL OF BOOBS, EIGHTIES BOOBS WITH TAN LINES!!!!!!.

Number 1: Xmen Origins: Wolverine (2009) Now people who read this and know me, will know that the main reason Wolverine is number 1 is because i fucking love Wolverine. They may say "oh that Street Walker, he thinks Wolverine is the best superhero of all time, he thinks Xmen are amazing, he loves Wolverine" WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS, THEY WOULD BE CORRECT" Let me start by pointing out this movie's main flaw: Victor Creed (Sabretooth) is NOT NOT NOT Wolverine's Brother. With that being said Liev Schrieber is outstanding as Sabretooth. The perfect amount of crazy, hatred, jealousy, and badassary. Now Hugh Jackman is the perfect Wolverine, sure he is kind of skinny for Wolverine but good god he's awesome. Ryan Reynolds was good as Deadpool, before they were retards and took his mouth away. Lynn Collins was a horrible Silverfox, but maybe that's because they got the character completely wrong. But with the things they fucked up, they did one more thing that was awesome and that i've been waiting for since the first Xmen movie, they put Gambit on screen. And the guy who played him, Taylor Kitsch, Did a pretty good job. Sure he should have taken some voice lessons first but aside from that his attitude was perfect.

Thanks For Reading,
Streeter Walker

Batman On Film: The Burton Years (1989-1992) - Written By Zach Frances

BATMAN (1989)

This film is awesome. As a life-long fan of the Caped Crusader, I have to say that if you want the real Batman, look no further. You found him. While my favorite Bat-Flick is The Dark Knight Rises, I will explore that later. Right now, let's take a look at 1989.

There is a certain kind of magic to Batman that no other film adaptation has been able to successfully match. The main difference between Chris Nolan's more recent Dark Knight trilogy, and Burton's 1989 version, is the visual style. The main difference is a place they call Gotham City.

Tim Burton is known for many things, but above all else, it is his bizarre visual eye, a gift that works wonders in Batman. This film looks incredible! Burton creates a Gotham City that the viewer can get lost in. As opposed to Chris Nolan's outings, Tim Burton gives us a Gothic Fantasy of the highest order. Every visual element in this film is perfect; Gotham, the Batmobile, Joker, Batman himself, green ooze-- all of it. Nolan had a way of probing deep into the psyche of his characters, he seems to be a very psychological filmmaker, and he came to with fantastic results. Nolan was obviously interested in different aspects of the Dark Knight than what Tim Burton was drawn to. That makes for two very good and very different films. But the 1989 version reigns best of them all. Tim Burton gave us a work of Pop Art, a visual feast. A masterwork of the highest caliber. Tim Burton gave us a classic. Although his characters were not as moving as Nolan's would be, and the plot was not as complex as later adaptations would prove the Caped Crusader capable of, the film was pitch-perfect, ages incredibly well, and knows what it is. A comic book movie. And what does Tim Burton do with his comic book movie? He elevates the medium of film. Yes. I believe Batman changed the face of film, altered the practice of filmmaking, and raised the bar indefinitely. I have no doubt whatsoever that Batman is one of the finest Blockbusters ever assembled, and one of the best films of 80s American Cinema.

This movie means a lot to me, and a lot to my childhood. The older I get, the more important this film becomes. Something else happens too. It becomes enormous. Powerful. An event every time I sit down to watch it. Classic Good vs. Evil, rich design, completely unforgettable. I appreciate Nolan's films, I like all of them quite a lot, but when Tim Burton made Batman he had something to prove. This is the only film I can use as concrete evidence to provide support to my claim that Tim Burton is in fact a genius. Sadly, the amount of good films he has made are dwarfed in size by the fleet of stinkers he has produced. But Batman is undeniably the work of a very talented filmmaker.

I wish that Criterion could somehow get their paws on this one. I know its impossible, but one can't help but dream. The film is such a powerful experience, a tour de force from beginning to end; Burton's Magnum Opus. Batman is so very important to a film fanatic like me. This should be taught in film schools around the country. A highly analytical dose of entertainment, the way Burton visually tells the tale is to be admired and studied for its precise tenacity and bold audacity. Tim Burton's Batman is a one of a kind experience that deserves to go down in film history as a pillar of 80s cinema.

BATMAN RETURNS (1992)

Tim Burton's first Batman picture was astonishing. I think of it as a glimmering masterwork of the 80s. He had a lot to live up to. Something's gotta give.

Batman Returns is not a worthy sequel to Batman, but it is still a decent flick.

Pros:

Danny DeVito as the Penguin - Perfect casting choice. Its not the Penguin I know from the books, but its the only Penguin I like. He is dark, menacing, sinister, and completely 'Burton'.

Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman - Once again, wonderful casting choice. Sexy, dangerous, crazy, and seductive. Alas, completely 'Burton'.

Christopher Walken as Max Shreck - One of my favorite ingredients in Batman Returns has to be this character. A great and welcome addition to Batman lore, and I wish other die hard Batman fans could warm up to him some more. Also... completely 'Burton'.

Nostalgia - I watched this film a lot as a child. I can't help feeling like a kid whenever I put this on. And its a good enough film to put on once every couple of months.

Cons:

This Is A Tim Burton Movie, Not A Batman Movie - This was supposed to be a Batman movie. The 1989 version understood this. Don't get me wrong, a lot of what you see in Batman is 'Burton' to the core. But in 1989 he seemed much more inspired and much more interested in the source material. Batman Returns is not really a Batman film. The characters you see here are similar to their comic book origins in name only, everything else about them had been changed, EVERYTHING. Its almost sickening to see them take an intelligent character like Catwoman and zap some supernatural 'Burton' nonsense into her. I like what they decided to do with the Penguin. The Penguin is rather lackluster in the books, but here he is truly villainous. The Production Design, although very creative, was lousy. Gotham City from the 1989 version is a classic movie world, whereas Gotham in Returns doesn't actually look like anyone really lives there. This time Gotham looks like a set. It looks like the 'Burton' standard we're still seeing today.

Batman May Return, But That Doesn't Mean Anyone Else Will - Tim Burton's first Batman film was populated by interesting and engaging background players. Robert Wuhl as Knox for example, I thought Knox was absolutely great! Nope. No Knox in Batman Returns, even though they re-wrote the script so he could survive the first film, which seems pretty damn stupid if you're not planning on having him return for the sequel. Billy Dee Williams is another example of a solid background character from the first film that was written out of the second. This doesn't just go for background characters, mind you, Vicki Vale sat this one out as well. Where the first film had a background full of personality and liveliness, its sequel has dead background characters, lifeless scenery, and a well-earned bad rep.

Really, Its Not A Batman Movie - I love Batman. I also love Michael Keaton as Batman. And in a film called Batman Returns, you'd think we'd probably see him a lot, right? Wrong. Batman was demoted to a supporting character in his own feature! He is completely underused here, and seems terribly unimportant.

Penguins - Exploding Penguin Assassins... need I say more?

But still, all the negative things I can say about the movie aside, its still pretty awesome, and I do like it. It is essential viewing to anyone who enjoys the now-burgeoning Superhero genre, and to the few but devoted 90s film fans. But I really have to recommend it to fans of Tim Burton the most. If you like Tim Burton, you'll like this movie. If you like Batman, you might be disappointed. But don't be too harsh on this film. It works on an entertaining level through and through, ages considerably well, and gives us a darker version of the Caped Crusader. Its also NOT Batman Forever.

Chinatown (1974) - Written By Zach Frances

 Roman Polanski's genius is questionable. Whether or not he does possess a certain cinematic genius is neither urgent or necessary to conclude. His body of work speaks for itself, his 1974 magnum opus speaks for its decade, reality in the face of theatricality, and for the sanctity of the cinema itself. Now although it is not completely justifiable to prove whether Polanski is or is not a genius, it is rather important to discuss the life of this idolized and wanted man. Roman Polanski was born in the year 1933 in Paris to Polish parents. When his mother and father were forced into concentration camps for being Jewish, Polanski was faced with the unmeasurable difficulty of surviving the Holocaust on his own. His Mother ultimately fell victim to the horrors of Auschwitz. If that's not enough, if you would so melodramatically, fast forward to the year of 1969. To the Summer Of Love. To the end of the small portion of Polanski's life he would later recall as the happiest he's ever had. He had a beautiful, talented, and adoring wife. Her name was Sharon Tate. The baby inside of her, she and Roman would never name. In August of 1969 the Manson Family laid slain to Sharon Tate and the baby inside of her, both terrorizing and taunting, the darkest chapter of Polanski's life was marooned with notoriety and fear. It was only a few years after the death of his wife where Roman would leave his mark on the world forever.

Chinatown flows with a lavishly perfected Noir tone, and I should add here, the film is the Neo Noir archetype, the best of its kind and one of the best that Film Noir carries in its respective canon. Also, whenever one sets out to write about Chinatown, one cannot understate the delicacy, the supreme handling of pacing which is to be found in this particular film. Not before, and not since, has pacing been so well thought out, so marvelously calculated, and devilishly crafted.

Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway stand immortal in this film, bellowing through the tenement halls inside of every dirty city confined within every Noir film in rotation. If Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway stand luminous as Kings of their respective Kingdom, then John Huston stands apart; shrouded in darkness, transparent, eager, vicious, immediate. John Huston's 'Noah Cross' exists, alright, and the most dangerous thing about the 'Noah Cross's of the world is that the evil within them is otherwise ordinary, bottomless, and unstoppable. Robert Towne's script is simply impeccable. Flawless storytelling accompanied by snappy dialogue, and a climax that cuts deeper than that of documentary reality.

But it is Polanski who is the true star of this picture. You can see him in every shot, peering in through the lens, and directly into your heart. You can taste him in every dry patch of dialogue, smell him in the midst of gun smoke, and fear him as the tension culminates into the wake of tragedy. It is there, in the tragedy, he dares you to hope for the best, he wants to feel safe because films make you feel comfortable. He takes the trust that he'd earned from the audience, and crushes it, oh, and he makes sure it stings. He makes sure it hurts. And in in the aftermath of the his final act, his final betrayal, the ultimate tragedy, he makes sure you can feel him. He leaves you in pain. He leaves you guilty in satisfaction. Knowing that tragedy is the most universal of luxuries, Polanski makes that perfectly clear, and for the first time, his voice is heard, his war cry. Coherent and horrifying.

While Rosemary's Baby is my favorite Polanski film, Chinatown has always been a close second. Rosemary's Baby has also been selected by Criterion (along with other Polanski classics like Knife In The Water and Repulsion). While Rosemary's Baby has been given the care and respect it deserves with a stunning Blu Ray transfer by Criterion, Chinatown is in a sad state. A film this important should be treated as such.